


Please Fix It For Me

by NotFlyingWithOtters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:10:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotFlyingWithOtters/pseuds/NotFlyingWithOtters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dean, seriously. I’m sure he’s just been busy.” He said softly, turning his eyes on Dean. Dean gave a sharp nod.</p><p>“It’s not like Cas, though Sammy.” He replied evenly, pausing by the classroom door. “I’ll take you home later okay?” Sam nodded and gave a reassuring smile in Dean’s direction.</p><p>“Sure.” He stepped into the room and looked around for Cas, the smile sliding from his face when he saw his friend.</p><p>He looked awful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel Novak was six when he and his family moved to Kansas, three doors down from the Winchester family. He was ten when he made friends with Sam, the younger brother, and thirteen when Dean acknowledged him for the first time. Dean and Sam became his friends, his first friends. With Lucifer and Michael as stand-in parents since his father had gone, and their strict rules, Cas had never really had friends.

Joining the high school that the Winchester brothers went to with Gabriel (one year his senior – the same as Dean) and Anna (two years his senior) had been a good choice, he belonged, he fitted in. He wasn’t bullied like Michael and Lucifer had lead him to believe he would be – Dean looked out for Sammy, and by default, Cas. And Cas spent weekends slept over at the Winchester’s and Sam often slept over his. For six years he and Sam solidified their friendship with secret handshakes, games where they pretended to be hunters and angels, and telling of secrets. And Sam and Dean were the closest people ever got to Cas, like family, like his family – an extension of anyway.

Just before summer there was a party at the Winchester’s, John and Mary’s wedding anniversary. Dean plied Sam and he with a few drinks and they spent the night gazing at the stars until dawn broke and Cas and Sam fell asleep on the hood of the Impala. When Cas woke, he was lying on the sofa with a blanket tucked over him and Dean placing a glass of water in front of him.

“Thanks, Dean.” He stretched, his shirt riding up a little as he took the water and sipped it.

“You’re welcome Cas, I thought you might have a bit of a hangover.” Cas smiled a little fondly at the older boys concern and set the water down.

“I’m okay Dean. Thank you.” He angled his wrist for a moment and looked at his watch. “Can you tell Sam that we’re going out of town for a while, most of summer vacation actually – family stuff.” He shifted a little uncomfortably. “I better go. We’re leaving in two hours.” Dean looked a little confused but nodded.

“Course. You’ll be back before it ends though right?”

“Oh. Yes, I’m sure. I’ll let Sam know.” He smiled and drained the water, setting it down carefully on the table. “Thanks again for looking after me. Making sure I didn’t get hurt.” Dean smiled at him, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re welcome, Cas. Any time.”  Cas waved as he left, running down the road to get to his house, where his family were ready to take him to visit his distant relations – Balthazar, Zachariah and Uriel. Cas’ smile was one of the things Dean remembered over the summer when he wasn’t there, ironic because Cas didn’t smile for a long time after that.

* * *

 

Cas returned from visiting his family and texted Sam the day he got back. That day, the Winchester’s were visiting their grandparents out of state and Cas decided to go for a walk around the neighbourhood.

He returned to his home in ripped clothes, blood sliding down the backs of his legs and grazes on his skin. He ignored Anna yelling at him to come for dinner, and sat in the shower until the water went cold, the pain in his body numbed by shock. He didn’t tell them what happened, he couldn’t find the words.

* * *

Sam went to see Cas the day after, and Anna opened the door.

“Is… Is Cas in, Anna?” Anna had always unnerved Sam and he couldn’t quite pinpoint why. “He told me he got back yesterday but we were visiting relatives.” He gave a small grin, nervous.

“He…” Her face darkened. “He’s still asleep. Sorry Sam I… he didn’t eat dinner last night I guess he’s sick. Sorry.” Sam nodded, worrying a little.

“Oh. Right. I’ll call back tomorrow.” Anna nodded, her eyes flashing with concern for her brother. “Thanks, Anna.” She nodded again and closed the door before padding upstairs and to Cas’ room.

“Castiel?” She called softly, opening the door and slipping inside, eyes adjusting to the semi darkness. Her sharp eyes picked out clothes on the floor, strategically folded and the fact that there was a slight trail of blood on the leg of his jeans. “Castiel?” Her voice caught a little. “Cas what’s wrong?” He stirred and looked out from under the bedcovers, hair fluffy, dark shadows under his eyes.

“Nothing Anna.” His voice was low, gravelly. “Go away.” She came and sat on the edge of his bed, her hand gently resting on his shoulder.

“You would tell me if anything happened right?” She asked gently, rubbing circles in his skin. “if anything bad happened to you.”

“Course. I just feel sick that’s all.” He replied softly, tugging the duvet around himself. “I’ll be okay soon.” He spoke to the air as Anna stood up.

“Okay. Well, I hope you feel better for school next Monday.” He closed his eyes as though in pain and then nodded, tugging the duvet over his body.

“Me too. Thank you, Anna.”

* * *

 

Monday came and Sam still hadn’t seen Cas, despite best efforts to, but he was looking forward to seeing him at school. Dean had driven them Sam to school, normally he’d drive Cas too but today he hadn’t shown up for his ride. Sam felt growing trepidation as he paced the halls and collected his timetable, itching to find out what lessons they had together.

The morning went by with no classes with Castiel and Sam hadn’t seen him or heard from him for over a week. He closed his eyes for a moment when lunch came around just in case Cas magically appeared. He didn’t. He didn’t see Cas until late afternoon when he went to his history class. Dean was beside him and he could practically feel the agitation rolling off his older brother. He turned.

“Dean, seriously. I’m sure he’s just been busy.” He said softly, turning his eyes on Dean. Dean gave a sharp nod.

“It’s not like Cas, though Sammy.” He replied evenly, pausing by the classroom door. “I’ll take you home later okay?” Sam nodded and gave a reassuring smile in Dean’s direction.

“Sure.” He stepped into the room and looked around for Cas, the smile sliding from his face when he saw his friend.

He looked awful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Cassie.” Crowley murmured, a sharp grin on his face, trailing his fingers teasingly on the bottom of Cas’ shirt as the younger boy stood still, rooted to the spot in fear. Cas didn’t reply as the fingers slipped up his spine and over his neck. “Aren’t you pleased to see me?” He smirked and then met Sam’s eyes. “See you boys later.”

Castiel was slouched in his chair, his pens on his desk. He looked for all the world as though he were hiding from everyone, keeping his body tense and away from the people that walked past. Not that many did of course, he had hidden himself in the corner of the room. That in itself was strange, normally Cas and Sam sat front and centre. But that wasn’t it, not entirely. Cas was pale, dark shadows under his eyes as though he hadn’t slept in days. And it was the clothes that really drew his attention; they were larger, covering his body entirely. Clearly not his, Gabriel’s perhaps.

“Cas?” Sam plopped into the seat beside him, unpacking his bag and turning to look at him. “Cas, buddy, you look awful.” Cas didn’t turn to look, he drew himself tighter into his seat.

“I… Sorry. I haven’t been well.” He spoke mechanically, as though he had been preparing for someone to ask. Sam nodded and went to squeeze his shoulder, but Cas flinched away and dug his nails into his palms.

“Cas?” He asked softly, removing his hand and beginning to scribble on his pad. “Cas did something happen to you?” Cas jerked his head viciously.

“No.” He whispered, digging his nails into his palms enough to draw blood. Sam nodded and turned to face the front of the class as the lesson began. Cas leaned away from him for the duration, curling up a little so that he was as far from Sam as he could get, backed up against the wall. Sam kept an eye on him during the lesson, and as Cas moved his arm to scribble a few things down his shirt rode up slightly, revealing faded bruises on his hips that looked like finger marks.

“Cas?” Cas bit his lip.

“It’s nothing.” He turned away again, scribbling his name on top of the introduction sheet and rising to hand it in before returning and picking up his things. “I’ll see you tomorrow Sam.” He hurried away, shouldering his back and shaking slightly before exiting the classroom.

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] There’s something wrong with Cas._

_[Text to: Sam Winchester] What do you mean, Sammy?_

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] He’s different. He barely spoke to me today, or looked at me. And there are bruises on his hips. Something is wrong with him._

_[Text to: Sam Winchester] Tell me all about it on the way home alright?_

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Okay. Thank you Dean._

Sam gathered his books up and followed Cas out, running to catch up with him and falling into step beside him, keeping a safe distance.

“Cas?” Cas ignored him, opening his locker and placing a few things in as one of the senior boys walked past and slid a hand over his waist.

“Hey Cassie.” Crowley murmured, a sharp grin on his face, trailing his fingers teasingly on the bottom of Cas’ shirt as the younger boy stood still, rooted to the spot in fear. Cas didn’t reply as the fingers slipped up his spine and over his neck. “Aren’t you pleased to see me?” He smirked and then met Sam’s eyes. “See you boys later.” The British accent was suddenly grating and Sam felt pushed back against the lockers, his dark eyes sweeping over the tremor running through Cas. Crowley disappeared down the corridor and Cas visibly relaxed, sagging against the locker and exhaling in a rush.

“Do you want to tell me what that was about, Cas?” He asked softly, helping him pick up his bag as Cas’ hands were shaking so much. Cas shook his head, despite the violent trembling in his entire body, taking his bag from Sam’s grip.

“I can’t. Sam, I can’t.” He shouldered his bag and closed his eyes for a moment. “I can’t.”

“Cas… Cas you don’t have to be brave all the time.” Sam closed his eyes for a moment and then shoved his hands deep in his pockets. “Let Dean give you a lift home. I’ll walk.” Cas met his eyes, shaking a little.

“Please. Sam I’m fine.” Sam very lightly pushed his locker closed.

“Cas I’m not asking.” Cas gave a sharp nod then, realising there was no way out of this. “Look, Dean’s waiting for me. If you don’t want to talk to me for whatever reason, then that’s fine. But Dean might be able to help.” Cas shot him a tragic look, eyes welling up slightly even as he forced himself not to cry.

“I don’t think Dean can help me, Sam. But thank you. I know there’s enough room in his car for you too though.” He paused and tugged his jumper down. “Aren’t you coming?” Sam gave a small smile.

“Cas, I want you to be okay. And I know that you and Dean have this kind of silent friendship. Besides, Jess is tutoring me math tonight so she’s picking me up, Dean forgot and so did I.” Cas closed his eyes for a moment and then gave another weary nod.

“Okay.” Cas followed Sam into the parking lot where Dean was waiting, and flinched as Crowley walked past again, trailing his hands across the younger boys waist. Dean looked up as Cas walked towards him, pale and shivering. He didn’t look up as Dean opened the car door and kept his gaze on the floor until they were out of the school. Dean didn’t go straight home, and Cas felt a rising surge of panic.  _It’s Dean. He won’t hurt you. It’s Dean._ Cas curled up against the door as Dean pulled up near a small field.

“Do you want to tell me what’s happened?” Dean asked softly, turning the grumbling engine off and turning to face Cas, hunched over in his seat. Cas shook his head jerkily and tightened his jacket around himself, as he did so the sleeves riding up to reveal red, angry marks on his left wrist and bruises on both. Dean drew in a sharp breath. “Cas?” He asked again.

“Dean. Please.” He tugged his sleeves down, gazing at the floor of the car as he felt Dean’s gaze rake over him. “Don’t.”

“Cas, something happened to you.” He said softly, placing his hand on Cas’ arm gently, sensing the distress as Cas tried not to pull away.

“It doesn’t matter, Dean. Telling you won’t change anything.” He murmured, almost without thinking. Dean sighed and tightened his grip on his arm.

“You don’t have to talk to me. But please, be honest.” He told him softly, stroking Cas’ arm in a comforting way. “Did something happen?” Cas nodded tersely.

“Yes.” He whispered softly, breaking. He took in a few deep, shuddering breaths, and then turned and let Dean hold him, only trusting Dean to touch him after what had happened. Cas hid his face in Dean’s coat and breathed him in – the scent of leather and soap and car oil offering him a slight comfort as he felt tears spill from his eyes and down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one who had held him whilst he cried. He shivered just thinking about it. He’d bared his soul to Dean and then… then he’d come home and… the coherent train of thought was stuttering out now as the memories of Crowley came faster and harder, threatening to drown him. Nausea spiked suddenly, and he all but sprinted into the bathroom to lose his stomach into the toilet. After taking a few deep breaths in, he rinsed his mouth out with cold water and reached for his phone with fumbling fingers.

Dean held him, not moving his hands in case he hurt him, just holding Cas as the younger boy almost came apart in his arms. He just held him for as long as he needed, until his jacket was damp with tears and Cas was shivering.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” He asked softly, stroking Cas’ hair back from his face and looking him in the eye, green meeting blue. Cas shook his head minutely and pulled from Dean, his eyes clouding over again as though reliving painful memories.

“I can’t.” He said softly. “I’m sorry, Dean. I can’t.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, suddenly ashamed at his outburst. “Can you take me home? Please.” He whispered in a low voice, averting his gaze again.

“Course.” Dean squeezed his shoulder gently. “Look. Here, if you need me, call me.” He scribbled his number on the back of a receipt and slipped it into Cas’ jacket pocket. “Really. Any time. I don’t sleep all that much.” Cas nodded and patted his pocket nervously.

“You won’t… You won’t tell Anna about this will you? Or Gabe, or Lucifer or Michael?” His lower lip trembled slightly. “Promise?” Dean nodded, his gaze a little hard as he squeezed Cas’ arm as lightly as he could.

“I won’t. Do you want to tell me who did this to you?” Dean asked softly, his mind putting pieces of the story together, a sick feeling in his gut at the idea of Cas being so violated.

“No.” He said quickly, tugging on his sleeves. “Dean he… he’ll hurt you.” He whispered, mortified that he had even spoken at all. “Forget I said anything please.” He gripped at the leg of his jeans, nails tearing slightly into the threads holding it together. Dean looked up at him fully then, offering him a soft smile to appease him.

“I won’t, Cas. I won’t. I promise.” Cas nodded and took in a few deep breaths.

“Thanks, Dean.” He carefully zipped his jacket up, checking that the number was safe in his pocket before allowing Dean to drive him back to his house in silence.

* * *

Cas woke up with a choked sob on his lips, face buried in the pillow of his bed and hands fisting the sheets. His immediate thought was of Crowley and how his hands had felt scratching lines down his back, digging his nails into his hips and bruising him, taking his virginity from him as though it was nothing. He scrambled to reach for something that would make the hurt go away – within the past week he’d turned to a blade – but he couldn’t find it.

His next thought, more coherent, was simply: _Dean_. The older Winchester brother, the one he’d secretly crushed on since he was thirteen years old, the one who had made him scared that he wasn’t who he thought he was. That he wasn’t the good straight boy that would like girls and be the one to take home to the family.

The one who had held him whilst he cried. He shivered just thinking about it. He’d bared his soul to Dean and then… then he’d come home and… the coherent train of thought was stuttering out now as the memories of Crowley came faster and harder, threatening to drown him. Nausea spiked suddenly, and he all but sprinted into the bathroom to lose his stomach into the toilet. After taking a few deep breaths in, he rinsed his mouth out with cold water and reached for his phone with fumbling fingers.

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Are you awake? It’s Cas._

For a tense few minutes there was no reply, and Cas almost threw up again – but he managed to keep a hold of his stomach. Then…

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] I’m awake. What’s wrong, Cas?_

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] I need… I don’t know what I need. Something._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] Do you want to come over? I won’t hurt you._

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Do you promise?_

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] I promise._

Cas took in a deep breath and trudged from the bathroom, changing and silently padding down the stairs. After a few tense moments, he stepped out of the door and his heart gave a slight lurch at being left alone; but Dean was waiting just away from his doorstep.

“Cas.” He murmured, extending a hand to him in a subtle hint for him to accept the comfort and to not be frightened any more. “What happened?” He asked as Cas took his hand and held it tight.

“Had a… Bad dream.” He said softly, lacing their fingers a little in an effort to feel safe. “About what happened.” He didn’t meet Dean’s eyes as they walked down the street to the Winchester house. The light in Dean’s room – the one thankfully facing the road – was on and the tree in the front of their house had a ladder nailed to the trunk. It was fairly easy for someone who was agile to get to Dean’s room if the window was left open. Cas looked up and shifted from foot to foot, still in pain.

“I can’t, Dean.” He muttered, shame causing a steady rise of heat across his face. “I can’t do it.” Dean nodded and lead him to the back door, jacking the look so that they could get inside.

“Sorry. I should have thought.” He told him gently, moving him towards the stairs. Cas paled visibly as they got to the foot of them, shivering.

“Dean.” He said, panicked. “Dean. I…” Cas trembled and Dean suddenly wrapped him in his arms.

“Shh. Shh. Cas. Cas baby it’s okay.” Cas shivered as the word ‘ _baby_ ’ filtered through his mind. He must’ve meant to say something else. He had to. “I think I know what happened to you.” Dean murmured softly against his hair.

“Don’t say it.” He whispered against Dean’s shoulder. “Don’t. Don’t I can’t bear it.”

“Cas…” Cas shook violently in his arms. “Cas, you need to say it.” He shook his head desperately, trying to not hear the word as Dean spoke it. “Cas, were you raped?” He asked softly.

After an eternity of silence, Cas nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas’ back was mottled with bruises, finger shaped bruises on his hips, and stripes of dusky purple beneath his skin and up to his shoulders. Grazes littered his elbows and forearms whilst long scratches ran from his ribs to his spine.

Dean nodded and stroked Cas' hair back from his face so that he could look him in the eye.

"You're going to be okay, Cas. You are." Cas shrank away. He didn't want to be a victim of it, he just wanted to be Castiel Novak again.

"Dean." Even to his ears his voice was painfully weak and thin.

"Cas." He responded, squeezing him. "You'll be okay." Cas decided not to fight and instead slipped into the warm cocoon of Dean. From upstairs there was the sound of someone moving around and then Sam appeared at the bottom of the stairs. 

"Dean? What're you... We have school in the morn-." His gaze alighted on Cas and Dean moved protectively in front of him, shielding him from view.

"Sammy go back to bed." Dean's voice was low, laced with a slight malice.

"No Dean. Cas?" Sam stepped around Dean and took in the sight of Dean's arms protectively tight around his friend before gently leaning to touch his hand. "Cas?" Sam's voice was different to Dean's, still warm but not as comforting.

"Sam I... I'm sorry." He mumbled, hiding his face in the crook of Dean's neck. Dean instinctively tightened his grip, almost lifting Cas up as he did so.

“Cas… Cas what happened?” Sam’s eyes flicked to his hips and he took in a few breaths as he noticed the bruises that scattered the smooth skin there as his shirt drew up in Dean’s arms. Cas didn’t answer, just hid his face in Dean’s shoulder. Dean lead him to the sofa and sat down as Cas curled up against him before he leaned towards Sam, explaining the situation quickly. Sam’s face drained of colour.

“Dean we need… We need to do something.” Cas shook his head sharply.

“Sam please! He’ll hurt you!” He took a few deep breaths. “I can’t anyway.” He hid in Dean’s shoulder again, no longer caring that Dean would probably hate him for this in the morning. Dean took a deep breath in and stroked his hair back from his face, tilting Cas’ face so he could look into his eyes.

“Cas, please?” He kept his chin tilted up. “Do you trust me?”  Cas shook in his arms but gave a brief nod.

“Yes.” He replied quietly. “You know I do.”

“I’m asking you to trust me now, let me take some photos of what he did. I’ll find a way to keep you safe, I promise.” He knelt up and stroked his cheek with his thumb. Cas quivered and took in a deep breath.

“I… Sam… Dean…” He bit his lip, annoyed at being so weak. “Sam can you take them?” He lowered his gaze as he spoke the next few words. “Dean can you… hold my hand?” He closed his eyes and tugged on his sleeve. “I’m scared.” Sam nodded and Dean gripped his hand as gently as he could.

“Cas, you don’t have to. But if we’re going to get this sucker, we need to.” Dean told him softly.

“No I understand that. I need to. I need to Dean.” Cas seemed to steel himself then and he stood up, nervously sliding his t-shirt off. “Please don’t hate me for what you see.” He murmured. Cas turned his back, Dean holding his hand as Sam withdrew Dean’s phone and took photos.

Cas’ back was mottled with bruises, finger shaped bruises on his hips, and stripes of dusky purple beneath his skin and up to his shoulders. Grazes littered his elbows and forearms whilst long scratches ran from his ribs to his spine. He could feel the anger crackling off of Dean as he stood beside him, and when Sam silently placed the phone down and wrapped Cas in a blanket, it was Dean that hugged him to his chest.

“Stay here tonight.” Dean whispered urgently as Cas burrowed into his shoulder. “Your family will understand.”

“They don’t know.” He whispered into his shoulder. “I couldn’t. Michael and Lucifer would say it was God’s will.” He burned with shame. “They’d say I was sinning for engaging in relationships with another man, even if it was against my will. Anna and Gabriel would understand but I can’t Dean, I can’t do it.” Dean nodded again.

“Stay anyway.” He pushed, stroking his back gently. “You normally come here so that I can take you to school with Sammy, and you get yourself up. I don’t want you to be alone tonight.” Cas nodded, resigned, hiding his face in his shoulder again. Sam shot a nervous look at the two of them and then gave Cas his shirt back.

“I think Dean’s right, Cas.” He said softly. “I’d rather you were here where you felt safe.” Cas nodded again and turned to lightly hug Sam.

“Thank you for… for understanding Sam. For not thinking I’m disgusting.” Sam paled and quickly squeezed Cas’ arm.

“Cas, you’re a victim. I don’t hate you for that.” He murmured softly. “I couldn’t.” Cas nodded and gave a weak smile, nothing like his normal smile – tired and wan now.

“Thank you, Sam.” His voice was soft. “I… Appreciate it.” Sam nodded and stood, leaving the room. For a few moments there was a silence and then Dean stood, keeping the blanket around Cas.

“Do you want to sleep down here?” Cas shook his head violently.

“Now you know what happened… I don’t want to be trusted inside my own head. I remember so much and it hurts.” He lowered his head in shame. “I didn’t ask for this.” He whispered, seemingly to himself. “I didn’t ask for him to take my virginity. But if Michael and Lucifer knew they’d disown me. It doesn’t matter that it was rape, it was a man. They’d throw me out of the house.” He turned to Dean in his distress and Dean did lift him up this time, carrying him upstairs and placing him on his bed.

“Shh, Cas, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.” Cas stiffened when he was placed on the bed, meeting his eyes in fear. “Cas, I won’t hurt you. Please believe me. It’s the furthest thing from my mind. I just want you to feel security, safety, more than you’ve felt since that monster took everything you were protecting.”

“Okay.” Cas whispered, tugging his shirt back on as Dean changed and slid into bed with him, not touching him, just watching him. “Dean?” He whispered as the light was flicked off.

“Yeah?”

“I might… Nightmares… Don’t let me hurt you.” Dean smiled and squeezed his shoulder gently.

“You couldn’t.” Dean was awake for longer than Cas was, waiting for the younger boy to fall into a fitful sleep before allowing himself the oblivion. Just as he was falling though, he heard Cas whimper a name.

“ _Crowley…”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley cornered Cas at lunch. It was inevitable really, that Crowley would want to tease his little bitch into submission. Cas shrank against the wall as Crowley stepped in front of him, a dark glint in his eyes and a devilish grin on his face.
> 
> “Hello Cassy.” He smirked, trailing a hand down Cas’ cheek. Cas flinched, remembering how different it had felt when Dean had been brushing his hair back from his face in the middle of the night when he’d woken up crying. His dreams had been violent, even with Dean beside him.

“Sam! Sammy!” Dean charged down the corridor to him and pulled him up against his locker. “I couldn’t… Not whilst Cas was in the car but I think I know who…” He lowered his voice a notch. “Raped him.” The words were bitter on his tongue and he shook his head slightly. Sam jerked his head up and looked at Dean, his dark eyes blazing.

“Who.” His voice was deathly cold, like ice entering Dean’s mind. Dean growled in frustration and shook himself for a moment, trying to get control.

“Crowley. He whispered, no fuck! Whimpered! Whimpered that name in his sleep last night.” Dean was fuming, livid, his entire body quivering with rage at the idea that someone he knew, someone that he and his brother went to school with, had hurt Cas.

“So what do we do, Dean? We’ve got no proof except for Cas and you saw how frightened he was.”

“I know Sammy. I know. I’ll work something out though.”

* * *

 

Crowley cornered Cas at lunch. It was inevitable really, that Crowley would want to tease his little bitch into submission. Cas shrank against the wall as Crowley stepped in front of him, a dark glint in his eyes and a devilish grin on his face.

“Hello Cassy.” He smirked, trailing a hand down Cas’ cheek. Cas flinched, remembering how different it had felt when Dean had been brushing his hair back from his face in the middle of the night when he’d woken up crying. His dreams had been violent, even with Dean beside him.

_It was the scene all over again. Crowley on top of him as Azazel and Alistair held him down, forced him not to fight back. He kept silent; knowing that if he spoke Crowley would cut him. He struggled though, his primal instinct to run kicking in even as the weight of the two boys with more strength than he could ever have dreamed of having forced him down._

_“Please. You don’t have to do this.” His voice was rasping in his chest as his jeans were removed and thrown aside, the concrete biting into his bare knees and skin of his legs. “Please!” Tears flooded down his face unbidden and he struggled even harder._

_“Now now, pet. Be quiet and take it like a man. I know you like this.” Crowley’s voice, like poison, filtered through the haze that is mind was forming to protect him from this, shattering it into a thousand shards._

_“Please!” His voice cracked, broke, fell silent as a hand pushed between his legs and one finger rammed into him, one hard push that burned. “Crowley please!” He struggled harder, and was rewarded when the finger was removed. It felt foreign, wrong. Cas had never even thought about this before, his quiet fantasies had never resulted in sex. “I don’t like this!”_

_“You’re not supposed to. You’re mine, Castiel. You’ll never forget that I own you. Never.” Crowley grinned and his breath rolled against the side of Cas’ face. “I’ve watched you and the Winchesters. So sweet and innocent… I wonder how they’ll like you now. Now that you’re mine.” And with those words, Crowley pushed his length into Cas._

_Cas felt something inside him break as tears split his cheeks._

Cas had woken with Dean pinning his wrists to the bed so that he couldn’t injure himself, and he’d panicked, flat out panicked at the weight of Dean on top of him. After a few minutes at opposite sides of the bed, Dean stroked his cheek and Cas allowed him to pull him close and hold him there. Safe.

It was different now with Crowley’s long fingered hand tracing a line down his cheek, scarily similar to the lines that his tears had made on the night the incident had happened. Cas refused, _refused_ to call it rape inside his head. The word was ugly, violent – much like the act itself.

“Hello darling. Did you miss me?” Crowley’s breath, as sour as it had been that night in the alley, drifted over his face and moved his hair slightly as he spoke. Cas stood, stock still and rooted to the spot in fear as Crowley moved his other hand down to the small of his back.

“So tense… I could massage you.” And there, the flicker of menace behind the words, the unspoken promise of what Crowley was going to do to Cas.

“Please, Crowley.” His voice was painfully thin and weak again, and it made him think of the alleyway for a brief moment, phantom pains skittering down his body.

“Please what, Cas? Massage you? With pleasure.” The hand on the small of his back moved down to the curve of his ass and began fondling it again, a finger pushing insistently at his entrance even through the layers of clothing. Cas stood still, his entire body quivering. The whole world seemed to tilt for a moment on its axis and then there was a sickening crunch, as if someone had hit the floor; hard.

When Cas found the strength to open his eyes, he realised that the hand that had frightened him was gone and that Crowley was cowering under the floor as Dean Winchester did his level best to smash his face into the linoleum. Azazel and Alistair pushed Dean back as they helped Crowley up, and disappeared quickly.

By now, a crowd had formed around them and Cas did his best to act neutral in front of the thronging mass of people. He walked stiffly to his locker, Dean following closely behind him as he did so. He got around the corner before bursting into nervous and frightened tears.

“Cas.” Dean was suddenly everywhere, holding him tightly to his chest so that people walking past wouldn’t see his tears, his scent in the air banishing the smell of Crowley’s breath from his nostrils. He inhaled sharply and curled his fingers into the leather of Dean’s jacket. “Cas, baby what happened?” Baby again. Cas shivered a little at the word choice.

“It was Crowley. He did this to me.” He whispered into his lapel. “He cornered me and he wanted… he wanted to do it again.” Clinging to Dean like a frightened child he didn’t notice the dark glitter in Dean’s eyes.

“I’ll kill him.” Dean’s voice was ice, sharp and hard.

“He’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.” His voice was muffled, but he knew that Dean heard. “I’ll never be good enough for anyone anymore.” He kept talking, almost against his will. “I’ll always be his.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell him he better behave.” She whirled out of the room and Cas sank on the bed, suddenly drained. Tell him he better behave. As if Cas would let him do anything. The idea of even being touched anywhere but his shoulders up made him want to throw up. Exhausted to his core, he curled in his duvet and fell asleep.

The rest of the week slid past at the speed of tar, but Crowley didn’t surface to touch Cas again, and Dean walked him to every class. He felt safer now, somehow, if only a little. Crowley was still there, still lurking in the background of his and trying to own him. But Cas was protected by Dean, by the warm hands that slid over his shoulders as he walked past him and squeezed, gently.

“Cas?” Anna called to him from the bottom of his stairs on Friday evening and he padded down, stretching. “Someone to see you.” He raised a brow, not aware that someone had been coming over.

“Who?” He stretched again, his body still hidden by the clothes he’d been wearing for the past few days, baggy t-shirt hiding the almost completely faded bruises.

“The Winchester boy.” Anna’s nose wrinkled slightly but she kept a smile on her face.

“Sam?” He queried, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.

“The other one.”

“Dean?”

“I’d imagine so.” Cas felt a small thrill of excitement run through him, very small, very controlled, since Crowley he’d tried hard to ignore his feelings for the elder Winchester boy.

“Thanks Anna.” He slipped past her and opened the door, leaning on the wooden doorframe as he did so. “Dean?” In the porch light Dean was cast half in shadow, his face more angular than usual.

“Cas, hey.” Cas sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair.

“Did you want something?” Dean smiled a little bashfully.

“Yeah I…” He toyed with the necklace on a black cord around his neck. “I wondered if you wanted to…” Dean seemed to blush a little now. “Go on a date with me. I mean it’s cool if you don’t want to or whatever I just wondered. I don’t know. Stupid idea.” He mumbled the last few words and then stepped back a little.

“No, Dean wait!” Cas gripped his elbow as he made to walk away and, flushed and shaking, he nodded. “I’d like to go on a date with you.” He murmured softly. “I… I don’t know how I could but… but I want to.”

“Because of Crowley right?” Cas flinched at the venom in Dean’s voice and nodded. He lowered his eyes and shuffled backwards, his entire body reeking of defeat.

“If you don’t want to because of that I… I understand.” Dean’s hand snapped out and grabbed Cas’ wrists, just above the fading cuts.

“I think I want to do it because of that. Dammit Cas, you’re making me be all girly and talk about feelings.” He screwed his face up in distaste. “I like you okay. And it’s because someone did this that I want to protect you… I guess I’m asking you out because I like you, and it means he can’t touch you.” Dean sensed his control was slipping away. “I’m really bad with words Cas, you know that.” Cas nodded in a jerky way.

“I know Dean.” Dean touched his wrist, lighter this time.

“Cas, I don’t know what to say. How to say cute things to make you want to be with me.” He scrubbed his eyes tiredly. “But will you come on a date with me, tomorrow? I’ll pick you up.” Cas took a few moments to think it through.

“Okay.” He breathed, his entire body relaxing, losing the tension it had been harbouring. “Okay. Yes, Dean, I will.”

“Pick you up at seven?”

“Okay.”

* * *

 

“Anna…” Cas called softly as his sister walked past. “Can I ask you something?” She poked her head in the door and noticed her brother’s smart shirt and jacket.

“Sure, what’s up Castiel?” He tugged at a loose thread on his jacket sleeve.

“Anna I’m going on a date.” Her eyes lit up, bright and glittering, her entire body suddenly seeming to come to life, vibrating like a live wire.

“Who’s the lucky lady?” She teased, her face falling as Cas shrank from the words.

“Guy. Lucky guy… and… me.” He closed his eyes, expecting a lecture on sin and how he was going to tell, his eyes already welling up at the mere prospect of Anna getting angry. _Mistake!_ His internal voice screamed, berating him.

“Cas…” Her voice was low and she came and sat on the bed. “If he breaks your heart I’ll break his legs.” Cas wiped his eyes surreptitiously.

“You’re not mad?” Anna gave a soft laugh and ruffled his hair.

“Who you date is no business of mine. Male, female and everything in between. I know Lucifer and Michael think it’s a sin, but we’re not like that you know, Castiel, Gabriel and I. If it makes you happy, then good.” He almost told her about Crowley then, but he couldn’t get the words past his faltering tongue, so he said nothing and the moment passed. “Have a good night, Cas. Who is it, by the way?”

“Dean Winchester. The one that came to see me yesterday… “ Anna laughed again and pressed a soft kiss to his hair.

“Tell him he better behave.” She whirled out of the room and Cas sank on the bed, suddenly drained. _Tell him he better behave._ As if Cas would let him do anything. The idea of even being touched anywhere but his shoulders up made him want to throw up. Exhausted to his core, he curled in his duvet and fell asleep.

* * *

 

Dean arrived at seven in his car and hovered on the porch until Cas opened the door. Cas looked drained and pale, but there was a set of determination in his jaw that remained there even as the door closed behind him.

“Dean.” He smiled and Dean reached to take his hand. “I’ve never… Been on a date before. With anyone. Ever.” Dean gave a smile that made Cas melt a little inside and laced their fingers tightly.

“You’ll enjoy it. Promise. Just tell me if it’s too much okay? I don’t want to spook you. I really like you, Cas.” Cas nodded and let Dean open the car door for him and set him inside, before he climbed into the driver’s seat. “I was thinking a movie?” Cas weighed up the options. It was safe, lots of people… yes. A movie was good.

“Sounds great.” He smiled as Dean drove holding his hand. During the drive he mainly concentrated on how Dean was different to Crowley, how warm he was, comforting. He didn’t notice they’d arrived until Dean squeezed his hand a little affectionately.

“Come on.” He helped him out and, instead of wrapping an arm around him, he kept their hands together as they stepped inside. He took a few moments to realign himself with the world and then let Dean buy the tickets, not really caring what they saw.

He spent the whole of the film with his head on Dean’s shoulder, Dean’s fingers playing with his hair as they shared a bucket of popcorn.

“Cas?” Dean murmured as they exited the theatre, having progressed to having his arm around Cas’ waist – at first Cas had been nervous, but he trusted Dean.

“Mhm?” He leaned against him slightly, the warm air making him sleepy in a pleasant way.

“I’d really like to kiss you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you trust me?” He asked softly, punctuating the last word with a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
> 
> “Always.” Cas mumbled, his face blushing at the sentiment of it. “Always, Dean.” Dean nodded and ran his thumb over Cas’ cheekbones.

Cas froze for a scant moment and looked up at Dean, reading his face, trying desperately to gauge whether he was being honest or not.

“R-really?” He whispered softly, turning so that he was face to face with Dean, despite the older boy being slightly taller than him. “B-because I can’t tell if people are being honest now.” He murmured, tilting his chin up a little.

“I really want to Cas, no games and no tricks. I just really want to… Will you let me? Please?” He gingerly slid a hand over Cas’ cheek and tipped his chin up.

“Dean…” Cas whispered for a moment before giving a tiny nod. “Stop if I tell you.” He breathed as Dean drew slightly closer to him.

“I will. I respect you, Cas; I don’t just want to get in your pants I want… I want to be your boyfriend. If you’ll let me.” Cas, wide-eyed and pale, nodded.

“I want you to.” He breathed, leaning into Dean’s hand as the other boy slid a hand to his cheek and dipped his head to kiss him. Cas’ breath caught as Dean pressed his lips softly to his. After a moment he was gone, thumb brushing his cheek as he drew back. “Dean can we… I don’t want to go home. Can we go somewhere?” He closed his eyes briefly, expecting to be rebuffed.

“You trust me enough to go somewhere alone with me?” Cas bit his lip and nodded after a few moments.

“I asked didn’t I?” He spoke softly, reaching for Dean’s hand and leaning up to kiss him again, only very brief. “If you meant that you respect me; that you care about me… I want to go somewhere.” Dean nodded once, jerkily and carefully lead him to the car, still holding his hand.

“Anywhere?” He asked, stroking Cas’ hand lightly. “Because I know somewhere we can go, and I promise that if it scares you we can go again.” Cas nodded and held Dean’s hand as the other boy drove, to a small car park on top of a hill, light by only a few streetlights. Cas looked over at Dean a little nervously.

“D-Dean?” He asked quietly, placing his hand on his knee and tapping out a sketchy rhythm. “Why did you bring me here?” He asked quietly. Dean gently stroked his hair back from his face and kissed his forehead.

“Sit on the hood of the car, I’ll show you.” Dean stepped out his side and slid onto the hood, imploring Cas to do the same. It took Cas a few minutes to, but eventually he did, he slipped onto the hood of Dean’s car and leaned against the window. Dean took his hand. “Look up, Cas.” Cas did so, his breath catching. They were facing away from the city, the lights dim and the stars bright above them, twinkling in the velvet darkness of the sky. Cas’ breath caught.

“How did you find this place?” He breathed, fingers tightening slightly on Dean’s  as he shifted a little closer to him for warmth and comfort.

“When my dad and I fight I go out and drive around and most of the time I end up at the roadhouse with Ellen and Jo and they put me up for the night; but one time I took a wrong turn and ended up here. Best mistake of my life.” Cas nodded in understanding and ran his fingers along Dean’s knuckles gently.

“Do you fight with your dad a lot?” He asked softly into the darkness, leaning his head back so that he was staring at the sky, not having the courage to look over at Dean just yet.

“He fights with Sammy more.” Dean replied evenly, tactfully avoiding the question. Cas could feel himself shivering, and in a few moments Dean had wrapped him in his arms and was holding him, head on his chest. “Is this okay?”

“It’s fine.” He turned so that his head was on his shoulder, one hand still linked with Dean’s, the other arm resting on Dean’s back. “Before now I...” Cas paused, flushing with embarrassment. “Before he…”

“Raped you.” Cas flinched and Dean instantly went to soothe him, rubbing circles into his shoulder blades with a fingertip.

“Yeah… That. I had this stupid crush on you.” He sighed and hid his face for a moment. “And I was going to tell you when I came back from summer but then… Crowley.” Even the name made him shudder, like something long dead lurking just out of sight. Dean stroked his back again and held him a little bit tighter.

“Cute.” He smiled and brushed his lips over Cas’ forehead. “Cas can I kiss you again?” Cas looked up at him, blue eyes crinkling slightly.

“You don’t have to ask every time… If I don’t like it I don’t think I’ll be able to control my actions.” Dean nodded and turned a little so that he could cup Cas’ face in his hands. Their first kiss had been chaste, but this one was long, soft and gentle, Dean letting Cas set the pace. Cas started a little at the first touch and then slid one hand into Dean’s hair, the soft kisses with closed lips imploring him to open his mouth a little to let Dean in.

“Dean.” He whispered as a slight warning that maybe he was getting a little frightened, and for a moment Dean stopped.

“Do you trust me?” He asked softly, punctuating the last word with a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Always.” Cas mumbled, his face blushing at the sentiment of it. “Always, Dean.” Dean nodded and ran his thumb over Cas’ cheekbones.

“Trust me now okay?” Cas gave a quick nod and let Dean kiss him again, even slower than before, their lips brushing slightly for time until Dean softly licked at Cas’ lips. Cas gave a sharp gasp and parted his lips slightly, granting Dean access. It was still slow and soft, nothing violent that would frighten Cas at all, nothing that would be too much for him.

“Okay?” Dean whispered when he pulled away, Cas’ face flushed from the kisses.

“Y-yeah.” His voice cracked and he hid his face in Dean’s jacket. “Thank you for this.” He whispered, leaning his head on his shoulder. “For all of it.” Dean smiled and ruffled his hair.

“Anything for my boyfriend.”

* * *

 

Dean drove Cas home, stopping outside his house.

“Do you want me to walk you in?” He teased, surprised when Cas choked out a yes. He left his car idling and lead Cas to his front door, pausing just under the porch. “Do you want me to kiss you goodnight like they do in the movies?” Dean teased.

“If Lucifer or Michael see they’ll kill me.” Cas murmured, still holding Dean’s hand tightly. He looked around briefly and then went up on tiptoes as Dean dipped down to kiss him again. Dean hugged him tightly after the kiss and dropped one more on his forehead.

“Goodnight, Cas.” He whispered into his hair as he stepped back.

“Night, Dean.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Text to: Castiel Novak] I’ll kill him I swear. Where are you?
> 
> Cas replied and slumped against the wall, leaning against the bricks, the cold seeping into his skin, soothing the violent heat in his shoulders.
> 
> “Castiel?” Dean’s voice was there after an indefinite time, knelt beside him, hand on his shoulder. “Oh baby no.” He whispered, opening Cas’ arms and helping him up, holding him close and tight.

For Cas, things slowly got better, the photos of his incident were filed away on Sam’s phone and his statement, which he’d recorded for Dean, had been saved on his laptop. He spent most evenings in the seclusion of the Winchester house, doing homework with Sam and then cuddling with Dean as they watched films. Sam and Dean looked after him, watched over him, kept him safe at school; Dean especially. He walked him to his lessons and kissed him at the classroom door. Things were fine.

“Cas?” Anna’s voice filtered through his bedroom door and he stood up, opening it, stretching wearily. “Cas I need to talk to you.” She mumbled as she barged in, snapping the door behind her and leaning against it. “It’s about Dean.” Cas’ throat went dry and he started absently digging his nails into his wrists.

“N-no Anna.” He caught the look on her face and began chewing on his lower lip, drawing blood. “Y-you don’t mean…?” He closed his eyes and felt her grab him around the waist, holding him tight.

“Not yet. Not yet. Cas they don’t know anything.” The ‘they’ she referred to were Michael and Lucifer, what passed for his parents since his mother and father had split. He sighed and sagged against her gently.

“Now what?” He whispered, quivering slightly. “I don’t know what to do, Anna.” He sighed and held her hand tightly, chewing on his lower lip.

“Stay away from the Winchester’s, just for a few weeks.” Cas paled. Weeks? He couldn’t do that. “You’ll see them at school, just not at home. Okay?” Cas nodded weakly and slipped away from her, running his hands through his hair.

“Does Gabe know? About Dean and I?” Anna smiled lightly and squeezed his shoulder lightly.

“Of course he does, he doesn’t care though and neither do I.” She stroked his hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. “You’ll be okay, Cas. Promise. I won’t let Michael and Lucifer hurt you because of who you want to date.” He gave a weak smile.

“Thanks.”

* * *

 

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Michael and Lucifer suspect there’s something going on with us. I’m scared, Dean. I can’t come and see you, just for a while. Please understand. Cas xx_

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] Are you ashamed of me Cas?_

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] No! Never! I just don’t want to be disowned, Dean. I need them._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] Just… forget it okay. I’ll see you at school._

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Dean are we okay? I’m worried._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] I’m fine. We’re fine. I’ll see you at school._

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Okay. I believe you._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] I’m sorry. I love you, Cas, you know that._

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] I feel the same, you know that. Goodnight, Dean xx_

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] Goodnight, Cas xx_

Cas switched his phone off and curled up on his bed, yawning and feeling the thread of tiredness inch through his veins. He closed his eyes and was asleep in moments, his fingers gripping the shirt that Dean had left behind last time he’d come over. It smelt like Dean, it was a comfort.

* * *

 

School turned into hell. Dean was still Dean, but getting tired of Cas not being honest with his parents and since Crowley had backed away he really had no excuse not to tell Dean that he loved him, even when Dean had said the words to him before. Cas kissed Dean a little harder every time they parted, knowing that he wouldn’t see him until the next day.

“Cassy.” That voice. Cas’ skin crawled and bile pooled in his stomach. “Hello baby, long time no speak.” He purred, pressing his chest against his Cas’ back, breath warm on his ear. Cas felt himself go rigid.

“Crowley.” He bit his lip and gazed at him, shivering slightly. “Hi.” He tried to control his voice, not let it shake in his throat.

“Hello darling.” He smirked and kissed behind his ear. “Have you missed me?” Cas shook his head violently. “What a shame…” He whispered against his neck, sinking his teeth into the flesh. “I suppose you’ll have to miss me again.” He breathed against his throat, tugging Cas’ jeans down. Cas panicked, his entire being rigid and terrified. He struggled, and in a second Azazel and Alistair had him pinned against the wall, face pressed into the bricks.

“Crowley no!” He whispered, his breathing choked and ragged in his chest as Crowley shoved into him again and again, tearing at his skin with his fingernails and biting on his shoulder. Cas felt himself detach, go to his place of solitude, shut it out. When Crowley spent himself inside him, he dropped onto the floor and coiled up, bruises and bite marks vivid on his skin.

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] I need to go to the hospital._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] Baby what happened?_

_[Text to: Dean Winchester] Crowley. Please Dean, I need you._

_[Text to: Castiel Novak] I’ll kill him I swear. Where are you?_

Cas replied and slumped against the wall, leaning against the bricks, the cold seeping into his skin, soothing the violent heat in his shoulders.

“Castiel?” Dean’s voice was there after an indefinite time, knelt beside him, hand on his shoulder. “Oh baby no.” He whispered, opening Cas’ arms and helping him up, holding him close and tight.

“T-take me to the police station, please…” He whispered into his shoulder. “There’s enough evidence in-inside me.” He paled like he was going to throw up and buried his face in his shoulder.

“Okay. Okay, baby okay.” He breathed, ghosting his lips over his forehead, very lightly and incredibly gently. “Come with me.” He whispered against his temple and leading him to the car. Cas drifted off in the car, waking with a jolt as they got to the car, his entire body aching.

“Stay with me, Dean. Please.” He gripped his hand tightly and Dean nodded, kissing the back of his head. Cas, with a strength he didn’t know he possessed, lead Dean into the station and leaned over the counter to the man on duty. He took a deep breath.

“M-my name is Castiel Novak and… And I want to report a rape.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “N-no.” He whispered, turning over and holding him tightly. “C-can I stay with you tonight?” Dean smiled and kissed the top of his head.
> 
> “Course you can, baby.” He sighed and squeezed his shoulder. “Of course.” He paused for a moment. “But you need to tell your family what happened to you.” Cas flinched from Dean and turned to face the back of the seat and took in shaky breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The trial will be in the next chapter! And then a few chapters later this will be over - thanks for sticking along for the ride!

For Cas, it was all a blur of police interviews and then being driven to the hospital, being dressed in a thin gown and having all sorts of tests run on him. The only constant was Dean, holding his hand and when the tests were complete, stroking his hair as he threw up violently in the hospital car park.

For Dean it was hell. Absolute hell and it was Crowley’s fault. He helped Cas through his interviews, helped Cas through his tests, holding his hand and letting him fall asleep in his lap when he needed to, when he could barely breathe. Dean stroked his hair back from his face when he was sick in the car park, shivering and shaking from the extensive trauma the rape and the hospital had brought on.

“Shh… Shh baby.” He whispered into his hair, kissing the back of his head and helping him back to the Impala. Cas clung to his hand and curled up on the back seat, Dean tucking his coat over his shoulders and sitting on the seat next to him, stroking his hair. “Do you need anything?” He asked quietly, dropping a kiss on his forehead.

“N-no.” He whispered, turning over and holding him tightly. “C-can I stay with you tonight?” Dean smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“Course you can, baby.” He sighed and squeezed his shoulder. “Of course.” He paused for a moment. “But you need to tell your family what happened to you.” Cas flinched from Dean and turned to face the back of the seat and took in shaky breaths.

“I c-can’t. You don’t know Michael and Lucifer.” He whispered, tugging his coat around his shoulders and trying to remember how to breathe. “They won’t care. They’ll only care that it was a man. They’ll kick me out of the house.” Dean stroked his shoulder lightly and then kissed his temple.

“Trust me?” He took a small breath in. “If I tell Anna… I can talk to them.” Cas shuddered slightly.

“O-out me at the same time?” Dean stroked his hand lightly.

“It’s been a while… I think we’re pretty solid now.” Dean stroked up his arm. “If you don’t want to I won’t.” Cas shook his head and cuddled up to Dean, drawing in a few breaths as though breathing through a straw.

“I want to… To be proud of you.” Cas whispered, feeling sick again. Dean recognised the warning signs and stroked his hair again, propping him up against his chest.

“Deep breaths.” He whispered, pressing his lips against his temple. “You did a really brave thing today, Cas. I’m so proud of you.” He lay him down on the back seat again and pressed his lips lightly to the corner of Cas’ mouth. “So proud of you.”

* * *

 

Dean pulled up outside the Novak household, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes ever so briefly. He touched Cas' hand gently to wake him and climbed into the back of the car.

"Come on, baby." He murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and leading him out of the car, supporting him with his weight. Cas whimpered a little at the ache in the base of his spine and Dean quietly soothed him, pressing kisses to his temple.

"It hurts..." Cas whimpered into his ear and Dean nodded, helping him upright. 

"I know." He helped him to the front steps and lead him over to the door. "Do you want me to stay?" He whispered, Cas sagging against him.

"Please." Cas' voice was a breathy buzz, weak and thin; he dug his hands into Dean's shirt and held him closely. Dean nodded and kissed him softly on the corner of his mouth.

"Okay." He whispered, raising a hand and tapping nervously on the door.

* * *

 

Cas fidgeted as Anna stared at him and Dean on the doorstep, Dean holding onto him in case he fell. 

"Anna I need..." Cas began but Dean stroked his back, effectively silencing him.

"To see your parents." Dean murmured softly, stroking Cas' shoulder in soft circling motions.

"Of course I... What happened?" Anna took in his ripped clothes and his weak stance, her stomach flipping uncomfortably. 

"Please, Anna." Cas whispered. "I need to talk to Michael and Lucifer..." He sagged against Dean. Stiffly, swallowing her fear, she nodded.

"Michael, Lucifer! Castiel wants to talk to you!" She squeezed Dean's forearm and sighed. "Good luck." Dean nodded, his face showing only a flicker of fear as he tightened his grip on Castiel. Lucifer and Michael strode in from the kitchen, gazing at the two boys coolly.

"Castiel." Michael regarded him coldly, his eyes narrowing. "What is it?"

"I..." Cas floundered and collapsed slightly against Dean. Dean held him tightly, nosing his hair and pressing a light kiss to his scalp under Lucifer's intense gaze.

"Castiel is..." Cas winced and turned into Dean's shoulder. "My boyfriend." Dean spoke clearly, enunciating his words sharply. "But that's not why I'm here." Michael's eyes had narrowed and Lucifer was glaring dangerously at them both.

“Mike..." Cas' voice was painfully weak. "Luc I..." He lowered his head. "I'm so sorry." He was shaking and Dean, alarmed, drew him close to his chest. "But there's something..." Cas fidgeted a little, the pain below his waist suddenly crippling. Dean brushed his hair back and gazed at him, cupping his chin, a silent are you okay? Cas nodded. "I was raped." He whispered.

Silence.

Dean turned Cas and held him in his arms tightly, feeling the heart wrenching tremors running through him.

"By?" Lucifer finally spoke, his voice flat. Dean looked up at them both, Cas shuddering too violently to answer. 

"His name is Crowley." Dean murmured, stroking his hair lightly. There was another silence as Michael seemed to digest this.

"And you want us to support this filth?" Cas drew in a shuddering breath, flinching as though he'd been slapped. "He wanted it. God is punishing him for being gay. He deserved and wanted this." Michael's voice was icy, disgust evident. Dean slipped from Cas' grasp and punched him in the jaw.

"He didn't want this!" He yelled, chest heaving. "Nobody ever wants to be raped! They took his damn virginity, held him down! And you think he wanted it because he's gay?" Dean knelt in front of Cas and helped him up. "Come back with me, baby." He whispered, and Cas nodded, face blank save for the tears coursing down it. Michael watched the exchange with disinterest, nursing a bleeding nose and a deadly glare. Lucifer was watching as equally coldly, Anna was the only one who looked as if her heart was being torn in two.

"Why didn't you tell me, Cas?" She whispered, her voice splitting painfully. He wiped his face and Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek, hoping to stop the trembling. He looked at Anna, body shaking.

"I tried." He whispered. "I couldn't get the words out." He reached for her hand and she let him take it. "I have to testify in court." He said heavily. "Be there?" His voice cracked and Dean pulled him into a hug, holding him against his chest. Cas began sobbing in earnest against his shoulder and Dean lead him out of the house and down the road to the Winchester house. 

* * *

Dean let Cas sleep whilst he explained what happened to his parents, honest about everything. His father squeezed his shoulder and his mother, eyes welling up, leaned and kissed his cheek, telling him how proud she was. Dean caught Sam's eye and excused himself, both of them going to Dean's bedroom and sitting together in silence.

"Again?" 

“Yeah, poor bastard.” Dean sighed and looked over at Cas, asleep under his covers, his face relaxed at last in sleep. He stroked his hair back softly and sighed, feeling Cas grip the fingers of his other hand tightly in his smaller one.

“And his family…?”

“Yeah… He hasn’t got anywhere to go.” He sighed and kissed Cas’ cheek gently. “I know dad said he could stay here for a while but he can’t stay forever.” He watched Cas roll over, a brief flicker of pain on his face and laced their fingers.

“We can sort this out, Dean. After Crowley goes down for a long time, yeah?” Dean nodded and pulled his brother into a hug, silently thanking him for everything.

“Thanks, Sammy. Thanks.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ready.” He replied very quietly, pushing the door open and trying to ignore the stares of the people in the gallery, focussing solely on Dean in the front and centre of the gallery. He climbed into the witness box, weakly gripping the rail so that his knuckles were white. It was only a small courtroom, but as Crowley was technically an adult he had to be tried as such. He looked at Dean, focussing on the older boy, taking in a few calming breaths.

Cas quivered as he stood in the foyer of the courtroom, his entire body quaking from the sheer terror he was feeling. Weakly, he gripped Dean’s hand and tried not to cry, leaning his head on his shoulder and desperately holding onto him. Dean gently stroked his hair with his free hand and dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead before pulling him fully into his arms and rocking him slightly.

“Shh…” He whispered, feeling Cas grip the back of his jacket tightly in his hands, his breath weak and shaky against Dean’s neck. “You’re okay.” He whispered very softly against his jaw. He ghosted his hands over his sides and dipped his head down to kiss him, trying to comfort him in the only way he knew how to. Cas quivered and gripped him tightly again, pressing his forehead to his shoulder.

“I’m scared.” He whispered. “I don’t want to testify.” He mumbled into his clavicle, trying not to burst into desperate tears. “Don’t make me Dean please.” He whimpered into his neck and shook, his hands gripping his shirt as tightly as he could.

“I’m not going to make you, Cas, I promise. But you know it’s for the best right?” He murmured, pulling back enough to look at him, tipping his chin up with a few fingers. “And I’ll be watching you, waiting for you. I promise you.” He smiled and dropped a tender kiss on his forehead. “We can cuddle and I’ll look after you, we can get some pizza or something and watch a few crappy movies.” His hand rested on the small of his back gently. “Okay?” He murmured, his hand ghosting over Cas’ back as the friendly therapist Cas had been seeing stepped out of the courtroom and looked over at them both.

“Castiel? They want you now.” She said gently, not touching him, just looking at him. “Are you ready?” Dean looked down at him and kissed him firmly on the mouth, squeezing his arm.

“I’ll be right there.” He said softly, stroking his cheek. “I promise.” Cas looked from the therapist, Mrs Harvelle, and then back to Dean.

“I’m… Can Dean… Can I…” He swallowed thickly. “Can Dean be sat in front of me? I n-need to see him or I won’t be able to testify.” His voice was very small and thin, cracking slightly.

“Yes.” Dr Harvelle, whose name badge read ‘Ellen’ on it said softly.

“And is Crow-… He going to be in there?” Cas almost choked on the words and gripped Dean’s hands as tight as he could. Dean stroked the back of his hand with his thumb gently and smiled at him, a reassuring smile plastered on his face.

“No.” Ellen smiled at him. “Special considerations.” Cas nodded, fighting the urge to vomit all over Ellen’s shiny black shoes.

“Okay, Dean.” He mumbled softly. “Ellen.” Cas released Dean’s hand at last and looked over at him one last time, trying not to bolt for the door. Dean stroked his shoulder gently and squeezed once, before heading into the gallery.

“Are you alright, Castiel?” Her voice was gentle, soothing to his ears. “Because you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to.” Cas looked at her with wide blue eyes.

“I have to. I have to. I’m scared but I have to.” He nodded, reaffirming himself. “I can.” He followed her obediently, padding along the lacquered floor, his shoes squeaking on the varnished wood. His tie was the wrong way round, and the trench coat he was wearing over his black suit was stifling him. At the door, he faltered and stripped it off, folding it and placing it over one arm carefully so as not to crease it.

“Ready?” She looked him over, smoothing a bit of his hair down gently, trying to reduce the unruly spikes of his dark hair.

“Ready.” He replied very quietly, pushing the door open and trying to ignore the stares of the people in the gallery, focussing solely on Dean in the front and centre of the gallery. He climbed into the witness box, weakly gripping the rail so that his knuckles were white. It was only a small courtroom, but as Crowley was technically an adult he had to be tried as such. He looked at Dean, focussing on the older boy, taking in a few calming breaths.

“Please, Castiel. In your own time, just tell us what happened.” The judge was nice, calm, a quiet spoken man with a head of dark hair. Cas knew his name was something Fitzgerald and he exuded a kind of peace as he spoke. He looked a little unorthodox, but Cas was comforted by him. He swallowed down his fear and looked over at Dean, the other boy giving him a weak smile.

“I um. I can’t… I…” Cas fiddled with his tie. “He just. I don’t know what I did to him. I didn’t do anything.” He ran a hand over his face. “I was walking home a… a week before I started high school again and I s-saw him. He just.” He fiddled with the label on his tie again. “He pushed me down, made Alistair and Azazel held me down.” He coughed, reaching for the cup of water on the side and swallowing some, his hand trembling. “He… He was violent. Really strong I…” He looked down and gripped the rail tighter. “I felt something in me break.” He whispered; eyes downcast. “I couldn’t even be close to Sam or Dean when school started again. I thought they might hurt me.” He looked up at Dean. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Carry on.” Judge Fitzgerald told him, his voice soft as though dealing with a young child.

“It happened again a few weeks after I came out as… Dean’s boyfriend.” He faltered as he saw a flash of red hair in the back of the gallery, saw Anna and Gabriel staring at him from the back row, eyes wide from fear. “After school. He didn’t even get the o-others to hold me down he just… Did.” Cas shook visibly. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” He gripped the rail again. “Can I go now, please? Please!” His voice cracked and at the nod from Judge Fitzgerald he scrambled from the witness box and out of the door, straight into Dean.

“I’m so proud of you.” He whispered into his hair. “So proud of you.”

“I couldn’t.” Cas whispered. “I couldn’t say any more, I just couldn’t.”

“You said enough. More than enough. You did well, Cas.” He kissed his hair, moving down to his lips, kissing him over and over. Cas fell into his arms and let Dean hold him, shivering. Dean’s arms were warm and tight and he let himself be held. Dean stiffened and Cas turned, coming face to face with Anna and Gabriel.

“Oh.” His voice was muted, and almost instantly Anna touched his shoulder.

“Cas, Cas I am so sorry.” She told him softly. “Oh Castiel. I wish you could have told me.” She gripped his shoulder and Gabe did the same, gripping the other side. “I’m sorry Michael and Lucifer kicked you out, you didn’t deserve that.” He nodded and looked at them both.

“Cas, you’ve always got family in me.” Gabriel interjected. “Anna and I. We’re your family. I promise.” Cas nodded and squirmed a little.

“Thank you. I… Can I just… I just want to go.” Cas looked uncomfortable, being away from his family had made him wary – the frequent messages of damnation from Michael and Lucifer making him hate himself and worried that the others also felt this way.

“Of course.” Anna said quickly. “Can we come see you soon?”

“Yes.” Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around Cas’ middle. “You can. But right now I think he needs some sleep.” He looked at the dark rings beneath his eyes and frowned, stroking his cheek. “Anna, Gabriel, come by in the next few days.” They nodded and stood together as Dean and Castiel walked towards the Impala.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you…” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Baby I don’t want to scare you.” He took a slow breath in. “And I don’t want you to think that… Or think badly of me for this.” Cas’ brow wrinkled and he placed a hand on his shoulder.
> 
> “Just say what you mean.” His hand rested on Dean’s shoulder lightly.
> 
> “Cas would you maybe… Think about having sex with me?” Cas froze and his vision tunnelled slightly.

Cas lay on Dean’s chest one Sunday afternoon a few months after the dust had settled. His fingers twined with Dean’s and he slid his fingers down to feel his pulse, looking up at him and receiving kisses in return every time he did.

“Are you okay, Cas?” Dean asked him softly, running his hand up and down his side gently, fingertips trailing along the thin cotton of his shirt.

“Yeah…” He turned, resting his head on Dean’s chest slowly. “Just tired.” He looked up at him and smiled, leaning to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Dean smiled down at him and stroked his hair very gently, twining it around his fingertips.

“Cas…” He propped himself up on one arm and looked down at him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.” Cas turned to look at him, placing his hand on Dean’s exposed stomach. His dark blue eyes flickered over Dean’s face and he tried to read him, though the light was making it difficult to see his face.

“Do you…” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Baby I don’t want to scare you.” He took a slow breath in. “And I don’t want you to think that… Or think badly of me for this.” Cas’ brow wrinkled and he placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Just say what you mean.” His hand rested on Dean’s shoulder lightly.

“Cas would you maybe… Think about having sex with me?” Cas froze and his vision tunnelled slightly.

“W-what?” His voice was weak and he brushed his eyes with his hand before he started to properly have a panic attack. “I… Dean…” He reached and gripped his wrist, needing to feel Dean’s pulse as he always did when he was frightened and nervous.

“Cas, Cas breathe.” He squeezed his shoulder lightly and Cas looked up, his blue eyes glassy with unshed tears from the sudden stab of fear just behind his ribs. “I didn’t mean now.” Cas nodded, his heart still hammering in his chest. “I just meant… I just meant at some point in the future.” Cas jerked his head stiffly and gripped fistfuls of his shirt with both hands.

“Dean I… I’m… Broken.” He whispered softly, hiding his face. “How can you still want me?” He whispered softly against his shoulder.

“Oh Cas…” Dean gathered him in his arms and held him tightly, settling him on his lap and stroking his hair back from his face. “I’ll always want you.” He leaned and kissed his lips lightly, cupping his cheek in one hand. “You hear me? Always.” Cas nodded against his collar and let himself be laid down by Dean in the blankets. “I love you.” Dean whispered, and Cas looked up at him, his hand lightly pressed on his chest.

“Dean…” He looked up at him, lying flat on his back on the bed, his gaze steady. “I’m scared, Dean.” He whispered softly, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Cas… Do you want to go through with this?” He asked him gently, leaning to brush a kiss over his nose. Cas faltered.

“No.” His voice was tiny, but Dean just lay beside him and stroked his sides until Cas had calmed down enough to go downstairs and look presentable.

* * *

 

A few weeks after that, Dean was sat in bed reading, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose (if it got out that he was wearing glasses he’s eviscerate whoever it was who told) as he flicked through the pages, Cas sat beside him doing his English essay. Every few minutes Dean would stroke his forearm gently with his fingertips and Cas would look up and smile, his own glasses flashing in the low light. (He only wore them when he had to)

“Are you alright?” He asked softly as Cas finished scrawling a few words on the page, yawning widely.

“Yeah, course.” He took his glasses off and folded them up, placing them on the bedside.  “Dean…” He looked up at him, the beige trench coat he’d taken to wearing now resting on his legs. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Dean looked down at him and stroked his hair softly.

“What, baby?” Cas leaned up to his hand and kissed him gently on the shoulder.

“About the… The… Sex thing.” He took a few breaths in. “And I… I think I trust you enough to…” Dean leaned and kissed his forehead.

“Okay. If you don’t like it, or you start to feel weird… Tell me okay? We can stop.” Cas nodded and took Dean’s book from his hands, placing it on the floor. He allowed Dean to push him against the bed, the older boy removing his glasses and placing them on the bedside table with Cas’.

“Okay.” Cas whispered, the words sticking in his throat. “Okay.” He lay back, letting Dean rove his hands over his chest and hips, very gently easing his buttons open and pushing his shirt apart, revealing his tanned chest. Cas looked up at him, his hand sliding to the hem of Dean’s shirt and easing it up, pulling it over his head as Dean pushed his white cotton shirt onto the bed.

“Christ… Cas you’re fucking gorgeous.” The bruises had faded, Cas had put on weight and there was muscle definition under the skin of his chest. Cas swallowed thickly and leaned up to kiss his jaw.

“I’m okay, Dean.” He whispered as Dean’s hand faltered on his belt. “I’m okay.” He shook, but it was true. He wanted this, wanted Dean. Carefully, Dean helped him remove his dark slacks and boxers, folding them carefully and placing them on the bed.

 “Oh Cas… So gorgeous… All for me.” Cas squirmed under his intense gaze, reminded fiercely of Crowley and his poisoned words. Dean leant and kissed his temple. “Shh… Shh it’s okay.” Cas nodded, carefully unbuttoning Dean’s jeans and sliding them off of his legs.

“I’m fine.” He lay on his back, naked underneath Dean’s hands. Dean slowly placed his hands either side of his hips and kissed him on the lips, tasting him. “I’m fine.” He whispered softly. Dean nodded, a little unconvinced.

“We can stop.” He said softly, but Cas shook his head.

“I want this.” Dean’s hands were warm, and Cas heard a bottle click open, then the smooth slide of a lubricant on Dean’s palm before he felt it between his legs. He tensed a little, but soft kisses calmed him down. “Okay.” He breathed, stretching out a little and letting Dean penetrate him with his fingertip.

It was agonisingly slow going, Cas almost bottled out twice, but allowed Dean to continue, feeling Dean’s pulse in his wrist before he had an anxiety attack. When Dean was three fingers deep in him, Cas gave a stiff nod.

“I’m ready.” He whispered softly. Dean nodded and rolled a condom on, lubricating himself slowly and carefully before pushing into him. Cas whimpered and dug his nails into Dean’s back, feeling him shift inside him. Dean began rolling his hips slowly, making the burn less painful, more pleasurable for Cas. He hid his face in his shoulder, a little nervous and scared of what was happening.

“You okay, Cas?” Dean whispered, sliding a hand through his hair.

“Don’t stop… Just… Please.” He whispered, arching his back up to him, breathing slowly and carefully as Dean picked up pace, his movements still gentle. Dean nodded, brushing kisses over his face and neck, offering him the tenderness he’s never known.

Cas felt himself relaxing, his body arching into Dean’s touches now, fire setting alight underneath his skin and causing a fierce blush on his pale flesh.

“O-oh Dean…” He whispered softly as he felt his skin flame, arching into his touch at the sparks of pleasure from Dean’s thrusts. His hand went to Dean’s neck and he pulled him down for a scorching kiss. Dean laughed softly.

“Cas you’re so fucking beautiful.” He whispered, rocking his hips into him and his other hand slipped between Cas’ legs to stroked his cock, fisting it. Cas blinked, trembling. This was unlike anything he’d ever known and it felt beautiful, perfect, amazing. He rolled his hips up into Dean’s, aching all over in the best possible way.

“Dean I…” He panted, trying to breath in. “I’m not going to last…” Dean smiled down at him.

“That’s okay. It’s okay.” Cas came with a whimper of his name and buried his face in Dean’s shoulder as Dean came apart inside of him a few thrusts later.

“I love you. I love you, Dean.” He whispered.


End file.
